


You Weren't Here

by noodlerdoodler



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Bipolar Aradia, Crying Aradia, Fluff and Angst, Humanstuck, Hurt/Comfort, Non-Binary Feferi, Other, Separation Anxiety, They/Them/Theirs Pronouns, just a lil bit, which is weird
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-10-10
Updated: 2015-10-10
Packaged: 2018-04-25 18:20:22
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,001
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4971463
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/noodlerdoodler/pseuds/noodlerdoodler
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>
  <em>"I didn't lose anything." Aradia hiccuped, smothering it with her hand, (and the red nail polish has been chewed off her nails), "I mean, that's not what I meant." She swallowed, "I woke up and you weren't here. You weren't here. I didn't know where you were." </em>
</p>
            </blockquote>





	You Weren't Here

**Author's Note:**

> W o w, this was meant to be fluffy smhhh. 
> 
> Disclaimer: I am not bipolar. Nor am I non-binary. Both may be written wrong because I'm a n00b. Sorry I offend anyone >:(

"Aradia~!" Feferi sung, as they swung the door open, "Guess who's back from work~?" 

At first, they didn't even notice that something was wrong as they flicked the lights on- though, they did pause to wonder why they were turned off- and headed through to the kitchen to ditch the groceries that they had picked up on the way home there. Feferi let out a loud sigh, it had been a long drive home and they were exhausted. They couldn't wait to "cuttle" up with their girlfriend for the evening and maybe watch some of Aradia's old movies. 

It was only as they began to glance around for their girlfriend that they noticed that Aradia was missing. And not just missing from the kitchen but missing from the entire apartment; there was no hide or hair of her. The kitchen was empty, the bathroom was unoccupied, the bedroom was bare. The front room didn't look as if it had been touched all day and that was when Feferi began to worry a little because that meant Aradia had likely been sitting around all day. 

Curiously though, they did note that the house was looking a little messier than it did when they had left this morning for work. It must have been Aradia that had dragged the bed covers onto the floor, that had picked all the books off the shelves, that dropped and shattered those plates on the floor, because she didn't work and had been at home all day. Feferi could tell because their girlfriend's shoes and jacket hadn't been moved from their usual spot by the front door. If they didn't know better, they'd have thought that somebody had broken in. 

It was only as they stood there, quietly, wondering where on earth Aradia had gotten to when they heard the sound. They had to strain their ears to pick up on it but immediately, they recognised it as a gentle sniffling sound. It was a noise that Feferi had heard three times before; once early in the morning post-nightmare, once in the afternoon after their fish had died, once in the evening when Feferi had been caught in traffic and Aradia had gotten worried about where they were. It was sound of the Aries girl crying. 

"Aradia?" They called, following the sound of the gentle sobbing and the trail of chaotic mess down the corridor towards the bedroom, "Sweetheart, where are you? Why are you crying?" They found the sobbing was loudest by the closet, which they opened and found their girlfriend hunched over and hidden at the back of. It was a slightly alarming sight and instantly, Feferi's hand was creeping towards the pocket that they kept their cell phone in. They had both the hospital and the special emergency number on speed dial. 

"Aradia?" 

"Feferi?" Their girlfriend looked up and blinked at her, eyes full of tears. It was rare to see her cry, let alone sob wholeheartedly like she was now with her shoulders shaking and her breaths gasping. She preferred to mope in her misery quietly, normally without saying a word, just staring blankly at them. This was different. Feferi approached and sat down beside her, afraid to touch her in case it was the wrong thing to do. They'd seen their girlfriend frustrated before, seen her frustrated, seen her angry. Those things could be scary. But somehow, this was much scarier. There was something scary about seeing somebody so strong cry. 

"What's wrong, sweetie?" They asked, watching as the Aries sniffled and turned away from them. Tentatively, they snuck a single arm around her and pulled her in close. Or they attempted to because Aradia let out a noise of frustration and shoved them away- the message was clear: NOT NOW. Flinching, Feferi shuffled away from her. 

"I lost it, okay?" Aradia managed after a while, inhaling sharply. Her voice was broken like glass, her words badly fragmented. A hand raked through her thick hair, pulling it away from her face, showing her tear-stricken face. How long had she been crying alone in here? It made Feferi bite their lower lip nervously.

"What did you lose?" Feferi frowned, mentally searching for anything precious enough to cause this kind of reaction. Was there anything that the Aries would cry over losing? There again, Aradia could be sensitive when she was in one of her moods. Maybe this was simply something blown entirely out of proportion. Still, it was strange to see somebody that usually so bright and happy looking so miserable that it bordered on hysterical. Feferi didn't want to touch her again, they were scared to, and they felt guilty about feeling scared. They should not be scared of their girlfriend, that was a terrible thing to think. 

"I didn't lose anything." Aradia hiccuped, smothering it with her hand, (and the red nail polish has been chewed off her nails), "I mean, that's not what I meant." She swallowed, "I woke up and you weren't here. You weren't here. I didn't know where you were." She pressed her hands to her face, rubbing at her eyes in an attempt to get the tears to cease falling. 

"Oh, Ara..." Feferi winced, remembering that they hadn't left any kind of note this morning like they normally did. They'd been running late, having overslept, and had forgotten that to write anything on the notepad that they kept handy on the kitchen counter for things like this. And Aradia, she'd still been asleep and looked so content there, that they hadn't wanted to wake her- not even to say goodbye. Feferi couldn't believe that they'd forgotten to write a note. 

The Aries was still sobbing but quietly now, coming down from it. 

"I'm sorry." Feferi said, not knowing what else to say, "I forgot to leave a note out." It was not a mistake that they were going to make again, they were sure of that. They'd have to come up with some sort of system so that Aradia would know when they were going to be at work that day and for how long. They decided that they would write it on the calendar as soon as they could. They didn't want their girlfriend to have anymore panic attacks because of their mistakes. 

"It's okay. I... I freaked out." Aradia sniffed, "I thought you'd left me. I thought... I thought I'd done something to hurt you... God, I'm so messed up sometimes." 

"Shushh." Feferi assured her, wrapping her arms around her girlfriend finally and this time, they weren't pushed away. Aradia let them pull her close, pressing their foreheads together and Feferi planted fluttery and quick kisses over their girlfriend's face. "It's okay now. I'm back. I won't make the mistake again." 

"I'm messed up." She said it so sadly that Feferi's heart felt as if it were breaking in two. It was strange and upsetting to hear that tone of hopelessness in their girlfriend's voice, to hear her sound so pathetic about it. Sure, they'd heard it before on the really bad days but that didn't stop it hurting. Something in Feferi's chest really did hurt and they put a hand to their chest to hold themselves together, promising themself that they wouldn't cry. They had to be strong now. 

"You're not." Feferi promised, "You're not messed up. Having a manic mood is nothing to be upset about. Remember, we talked about this with your doctor. He said that it was normal for you to panic like this. You remember?" He'd also taken Feferi to the side and told them that they'd have to be careful. The smallest of things could set Aradia off when she was in a mood and Feferi should be careful. He'd given them a number to speed dial if things got bad or they felt like they were in danger- Feferi had sworn never to use it. 

"I have a handful of things but I don't have amnesia." Aradia managed a small chuckle, pushing her hair back out of her damp face, "I remember just fine, Fef. I don't forget things like you do." It didn't sound bitter, she was just teasing. Feferi gasped loudly and pretended to be offended.

"I only forgot this one time!" They said, dramatically enough to make Aradia giggle a little more, "C'mon, let's get you out of the closet." The pair of them looked at each other and brown eyes met green ones. There was a pause. Aradia was the first one to fall about laughing and Feferi flopped on top of her, the two of them ending up in a heap on the floor. 

"Really? Closet jokes?" Feferi raised an eyebrow, though they were stifling their laughter. 

"You were the one that said it." Aradia choked, giggling like a twelve year old. 

"You're so dumb." 

"Oh, you _love_ it." Aradia grinned, seemingly back to her regular happy self, as she left kisses all over her partner's face. They were warm and sweet and like coming home, making the Pisces smile widely. Meanwhile, Feferi wiped their girlfriend's tears away and adjusted themself on top of her so that they could sit up properly. For a moment, they admired their girlfriend's bright, brown eyes and smooth, dark skin. God, they were lucky to have somebody so lovely. Then, Aradia pulled a funny face at them. 

"Don't!" Feferi giggled, hitting the Aries playfully on the chest, "I was just thinking about how pretty you were and then you had to pull that face!" 

"Aww, you think I'm pretty?" Aradia joked, smiling, "I think you're very pretty too. Pretty, handsome, whatever you prefer." 

"Sexy will work just fine, thank you." Feferi laughed, tossing their hair over their shoulder and striking a seductive pose. It was one that they had seen Eridan strike many times before, though he was normally serious (worryingly). Aradia snorted with laughter, tears definitely forgotten. 

"Okay, Sexy." Aradia winked, "How about we take this out of the closet and onto the bed?" 

"Later, maybe. I'm hungry." Feferi poked at her. They had only had lunch a few hours ago but they were already ready for dinner and several snacks after that. They had no doubt that Aradia was hungry too- there was no evidence in the kitchen that she'd eaten all day. 

"Do you think about anything over than your stomach?" Aradia rolled her eyes, smiling. 

"I think about you an awful lot. Right now, I'm thinking about what you're going to cook me for dinner." Feferi teased but their stomach rumbled on cue, proving their point. Aradia snickered, prodding at their stomach playfully. Her fingers were warm and wet with tears. 

"You're awful." Aradia wiped her nose on her sleeve and sat up, leaning in to kiss Feferi gently, "But I love you. You're very lucky I love you, Feferi Peixes, otherwise I'd tell you to make your own dinner." 

"You know I can't cook as good as you." Feferi whined, knowing their girlfriend _knew_ that they couldn't make anything fancier than toast; then, they paused and wondered if they were asking too much, considering their girlfriend had been in such a state just a few minutes ago, "Are you feeling up to making dinner?" 

"Yeah." Aradia shrugged, her smile looking a little sadder but it was still there and that was what mattered, "Sorry, just a minor hitch in the system. I'll clean up the mess I made and then, I'll cook some dinner for us. Yes?" 

"Yes." Feferi smiled, "And I'll go mark my working days on the calendar so that there are no more panic attacks anytime soon. I wouldn't want to worry you." 

"You're so precious." Aradia gave them one last long kiss before she wriggled out from under Feferi and stood, offering their partner a hand to pull them to their feet, "After dinner, I'm going to have you on that bed with me." 

"Aw, d'you need a cuddle buddy?" 

"Only if they're as sexy as you."


End file.
